I turned 41 before I realized that the voices in my head could eventually become a problem, or the solution to productivity, creativity and how I look at life.
Most of the time, I was having a conversation with myself about good and interesting things. At the same time, it didn’t feel as if I had any control.
This is what usually happened:
I was out walking, and I was talking to myself about the weather, about nature and about animals (that I was hoping to see). All good. Sometimes I was having a conversation about new business ideas and creativity. The voices would never stop. I was talking to myself constantly. I was telling myself stories, like the cold November rain, and life after marketing.
The conversations continued
The stories I was telling myself were fascinating. I was enjoying them, every single one of them. But, the questions I was asking, and the answers I was saying out loud inside; it was taking too much space and I noticed that it was draining my energy.
I wasn’t just walking for 30 minutes, I was having a constant conversation with myself the whole time. I ended up being exhausted – not from walking…
One day I decided it had to stop.
My energy was at an all time low. I could harldy get anything done. I was thinking that it would be impossible to get a yes every single time if I kept talking to myself. At the same time I was afraid that if the voices stopped (both the good conversations and the negative ones) it would turn me into a different person; it could hurt creativity, my productivity and the way I’ve been thinking about life.
It was time to surrender
The voices in my head talked about everything, both good and bad things. The fascinating stories didn’t stop. I was asking myself if I was going to let them talk, and keep listening, and if I should listen to all the positive and the negative? Or try to do something about it – it felt like I wasn’t in control.
It was like I was at a coffee shop, listening to people talk or as if I was eavesdropping on someones conversation on the phone – only that the voices were all mine.
At one point I told myself to just surrender and just say yes to whatever happened, no matter what the voices told me. At that time, things started to change. My focus switched, my energy was at an all time high, and I’ve been more producitve than ever.
The voices keep talking. I keep listening. But, they’re part of who I am and how I create my stories.